in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
