im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
