Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
