yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
