Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize