I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
