You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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