My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
that may or may not have been my penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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