New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
