hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
