i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
