false alarm. still invincible.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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