i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The air was thick with penises
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
