its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
only you would photoshop your dick
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
