Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
