Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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