Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
