Its about making memories worth repressing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
