Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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