he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
