Say something about gay babies.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
