broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
