I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
