another moral hangover. fuck.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
