So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
