He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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