Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
