im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
