i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you would pick up someone in the library
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
