Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
