i think my mom watched the whole time
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
