Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
