I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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