Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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