i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
