I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
