I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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