Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
