Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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