your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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