Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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