Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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