i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
