I want you more than these girls want KFC
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
