My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
