I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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