you have to choose: penises or morals?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
