But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
