i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
