Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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