I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Text me some of your sweat
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
