There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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