I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
