he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
