So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
