Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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