after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
