3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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