Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
