You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
