I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
