you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
