corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
