I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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