On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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