I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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