we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
