If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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