I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
